Does my girlfriend love someone else?

Hans-Georg, 48: I found photos of a man I’ve never seen on my girlfriend’s laptop. Many photos. I’d rather just delete them than my girlfriend to speak up. If she misses the pictures, she can talk to me, right?

Dear Hans-Georg, of course you can do that. I’m just wondering what the gain would be – out of sight out of mind? Or do you want to punish your girlfriend by destroying her photos? What do you fear could happen if you confront her directly about what you have seen?

Strong border crossing

Would deleting those photos actually solve your problem in the long run? I would imagine it might even feel satisfying at first. A mixture of punishment and “now they’re just gone”. Only, over time, the thoughts and questions about what you saw might come back and preoccupy you again. I then imagine it would be difficult for your friend to respond to the photos. Because your anger could have gotten even bigger, you had a lot of time to think up all possible scenarios, and that is then also noticeable in your dealings with each other.

The other scenario, she addresses you about the missing pictures, also seems to me to be a less good basis for clarifying the situation. Firstly, how did you discover your girlfriend’s photos? Are you both okay with clicking through pictures or folders on each other’s laptops? If so, then there may be a good explanation for these images, otherwise why should they be freely accessible to you?

Secondly, the unsolicited deletion of her property, because those are the pictures, could be seen by your friend as a serious transgression, and in my opinion it would be.

Third: You have nothing to tell about the discovery and deletion of the photos, to be honest, something passive-aggressive. So you don’t express your anger in the form of a direct confrontation. Instead, you secretly take out your anger on her and punish her. You can do that too, but I’m afraid this behavior will not do your relationship any good in the long run.

My suggestion to you would be to speak directly to your girlfriend about the photos. To tell her how unsettled you were by these pictures and that you wonder who this man is and what role he plays in your life. Only through this openness do you have the chance to really clarify the situation.

#girlfriend #love

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