DR SAMMY BAYA: The art of cheating in marriage, relationships and 3 ways to stop

Dr Sammy Baya on Cheating in marriage

The real impact of cheating in marriage and relationships can be devastating. While there are no studies on what exactly the emotional impact is, the wreckage arising from cheating is unmissable.

Sexual relationships are hard work. In fact, it takes a lot more effort to make relationships and marriages work than most people wish to acknowledge. Given the merriment with which they both begin, we all wish ours would last forever. No matter how hard a work they turn out to be.

But they rarely do. Partly because of cheating in marriage, which some consider being an inescapable part of the human condition. strains the relationship beyond repair. Or maybe infidelity is just too central for most other marital problems.

This article, therefore, explores cheating in relationships and marriage, as informed by the views of Dr. Sammy Baya, a relationships and sex education expert in Nairobi.

The Art of Cheating in Marriage

And while the culprit never lacks justification, it is harder to catch the cheating partner than ever before. This is because cheating is an art, and people are becoming better artists in this vice.

The problem, unfortunately, is that some causes of breakups are entirely preventable. Or at least they should be. The biggest of these is cheating.

It Always Starts Small and Slow

Sexual affairs with another, other than your spouse, don’t just happen from out of the blues. Or overnight. Instead, they start as emotional affairs, in most cases. Specifically, the would-be affair often starts with inappropriate friendships with someone of the opposite sex.

While it appears random and a “nothing really” situation, this emotional affair is actually a time bomb in your marriage. Or relationship. If the eventuality of having an extra-marital affair or cheating on your partner is to be prevented, this is the point to end it.

Dr Sammy Baya on Art of Cheating
Extramarital affairs often start so innocently. Image by Tumisu/Pixabay

By itself, entering into a sexual relationship is a huge commitment on both partners. So big that not all of us make it. And when this commitment takes root and blossoms, a long and happy marriage is the ultimate reward. You must work for that happiness and durability every day.

No Innocent Remarks or Actions

It would follow, therefore, that protecting your marriage or relationship is a top and continuing priority. And you should start by avoiding indecent and or suggestive, explicit private communications and intimate conversations including sexting with people of the opposite sex.

This warning is all-inclusive. Beware of your work colleagues who seem to be too concerned with your personal life. Beware also of those platonic “just friends” relationships that tend to blur the borders of friendships. You know them well:

Those “let me know if you need anything” standing offers to help.

Or those suggestive and exaggerated compliments about your looks, physique, mood or spirit. A compliment is welcome, but as a committed partner, always keep some walls up. This is one such case.

Regardless of intention or how close you two are, the “wow sweerie, you are beautiful today: compliment is indecent if you are spoken for.

If you are at your place of work, your boss and colleagues have no business commenting on how beautiful you look. And even if they do, you have a duty to stop it.

You are a moving target as far as such talk goes on. And if it happens long enough, you also have the ability to get hit. Pun unintended.

Your Marriage or Relationship is Your Own.

They say what happens in Vegas should stay there. Your relationship, your marriage should be another Vegas. Simply put, whatever happens between a married couple should remain with the two. In fact, whatever happens within a family, including with children where applicable, should ideally stay within.

I understand you want to share. But are you seeking help or ni kumwaga mtama kwenye kuku wengi? Just because you’ve known that ‘third party’ for a while does not mean you should share your relationship issues with.

Go back to your partner if you need a shoulder to cry on. Go to your relative. Seek out a marriage counselor, therapist or any other professional with a weird name. Do not indulge ‘that other guy’.

Here is the deal. Bringing another person (other than the exceptions above) in your marriage or relationship is recipe for disaster. You may unwittingly give the devil himself a foothold into your marriage and or relationship, so don’t do it.

Lay down the marker on what is and what is not acceptable to talk about with certain people. Set clear boundaries. Maintain a healthy physical, the social and emotional distance between you and other people of the opposite sex. And you will save your commitment. Or avoid ever falling in this rattrap at all.

You may be smarter than most of us. More logical in your decision-making. And careful in everything you do. This may not be enough in some cases. Truth be told, you’re fickle like everyone else, susceptible to desires like most, and capable of making the odd mistakes on your bad days.

The point is to ensure this is not that mistake, and more importantly, that you avoid having to pay the terrible cost of infidelity. For yourself, your spouse/ partner, and for your commitment to one another.

This article was composed based on social media posts by and with permission of Dr. Sammy Baya, a relationships and sex education expert based in Nairobi.

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Vani fancies himself a simple guy. He loves writing, football, and business. At the moment, he's excited about matters of small business, social media, and football. That may change someday.